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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the reliable retreat of your Daily, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|